On having a pet

It is the opinion of some people that Cadence needs a pet. They should try living with a her for a few weeks. I love critters. I just haven't found a species that is compatible with my toddler. We try to enlighten her on the fact that animals have feelings. She doesn't believe us. She thinks they are all toys.

We actually had two cats a year ago. One day they fell out of our attic and landed in the kitchen.

But they decided to live somewhere else and ran away as if they were in a hurry.

Then we got 5 fish on New Year's Eve, just before all of Cadence's friends came over with their parents for our party. They all died. We could point fingers all day but the blame game will get us nowhere. The most important thing is that no one was hurt. Except the fish. They’re dead. We didn't even have the time to get any pictures or name them. Fish are quitters with weak spirits. They do not enjoy juice or hugs. If you feed a fish too much, dead.

There are monkeys in the forrest where we live...but contrary to what they teach children in America, monkeys are mean. They can stand on two feet, look a two year old straight in the eye and steal the candy right out of her hand. They have opposable thumbs and can get whatever they want...even the tutu that Cadence was wearing. Now she is traumatized by the monkey that de-robed her. I'm sure he didn't look as cute in it as she did.

The neighbors have a bunny. It bit Cadence on the finger and drew blood. Bunnies love being chased by a group of toddlers making a ruckus banging their toys together. They love being hugged and squeezed by little tykes. They love being fed carrots and lettuce and little toddler fingers.

There is no shortage of reptiles where we live. We often find them in our kitchen, bathroom or living room. Not pet material. They run, or hop, too fast for chubby little legs and fat hands to catch them and they make strange sounds in the night.

Occasionally we will find a monitor lizard in our yard. Daddy caught this one trying to sneak into the living room. They grow to be 3 feet long, so we were glad this one was a baby!

Dogs love kids. But there is a rabies epidemic here. So we don’t touch the ones we don't know because they might be wild and scream in our face...or worse. Dogs also have tails. Cadence thinks it will grow if she pulls it. Dogs also enjoy finishing whatever foods Cadence decides she doesn't like.

They are cute when they are little, but they don't stay that way. She can hold them and put them in her baby sling but then they learn to run...fast...in the opposite direction when they see us coming.

Cadence loves to take off running into a flock of birds, squealing with delight when they fly away in a panic. They think she is going to catch them and torture them. Imagine her surprise when she actually did catch a chicken the other day! Nothing more cuddly than a chicken, right? Tastes good too, when you get tired of playing with it!

Ants are the only pets that we intentionally kill. Stomp away Cadence. Do your worst. They’re spicy.